The TuTu Part 1
by SongOfStars
Summary: A parody of the HP universe. The fates have turned Hogwarts destiny over to the power of ballet & the tutu. Don't ask. Just have twisted sense of humor.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers: **I don't own anything...not even a Tu-tu! lol

Not to mention, I own **_less then half_** this fic. I'm a co-author in a group around 5-7...

**AN: **This started by a simple "Things the characters would never say" thread on IMDb about 2 years ago. We finally went over-board (ie: downhill) &...er...well anyway, it got moved to a Yahoo!Group where we continued & then started a new file which was called **_Tu-Tu 2_** as a catch-phrase.

It's put together by several friends of mine off IMDb; so, like I said, I didn't write all this myself. I'm one of the IMDb users who chanced upon the thread, LMAO-ed & started posting randomly into the story along with everyone else.

I'm the "Candystar" (aka "Candy") btw...anyway, each individual "IMDb post" by the various authors count as a chapter, ranging in size from a couple words to several paragraphs short story lenths.

Oh & for sensitve readers...this is a crazy )VERY VERY crazy) parody of Harry Potter...all characters are _**majorly**_ morally out-of-canonly...**_screwed_**...for lack of a "cough" better term "cough"

It's well rated & then some so read on at your own risk of brainscars.

**Summary: **A parody of the HP universe. The fates have turned Hogwarts' destiny over to the power of ballet & the tutu. Should be X-rated but M's all they got!

**

* * *

**

The Tu-Tu Part 1

Summary: A parody of the HP universe. The fates have turned Hogwarts' destiny over to the power of ballet & the tutu. Should be X-rated but M's all they got!

Year...not to sure but mostly like 6 (with Tu-Tu 2 in year 7 approx.)

NOT part of my main fic...duh!

* * *

**(1) DANI IMAC**

_As it so happens (every once in a while) a really good idea came to_

_me, I was enlightened if you will. I decided to save "As the tutu_

_turns -a spinoff" after part two was deleted, in case the same thing_

_happened to the original. It did (damn IMDb!) Anywhoo, here it is,_

_with the exception of Candystar's posts (e-mail them to me, and I'll_

_edit the post to include them) again, damn IMDb._

_I edited them a bit...and most of the OOC remarks are gone, but I_

_still have the original with EVERYTHING on it._

_(Thanks DANI...OK, I've re-entered al my posts so here's the complete version of Tu-Tu part 1!)_

_Enjoy!_

**(2) JUSTADAD**

_Decided to start this thread in order to make it dialup friendly._

_This Thread is best viewed 'flat' or 'inline'_

_NOTE: This is a PG13 thread...you have been warned._

_This is a spin-off of the "Things Hogwarts Teachers and Students are_

_Thinking" threads._

As our story opens -

We find that Snape is actually part Veela and that he is an

Animagus who changes into a circus poodle complete with tutu (there

is a rumor of a thong but we have never confirmed this). While in

his poodle state he can perform the spinning dance which entrances

Professor McGonagall who has transfigured herself into a dog. They

trot off into the dark forest but are seen by Lupin in his werewolf

form. The next day in class the circus poodle is in a cage in

McGonagall's classroom, she has a 'love bite' on her neck and has no

real idea where it came from (either Snape, Lupin, or ?). Hermione,

Ron, and Harry saw her trot off and Lupin follow her into the dark

forest.

Our story opens the next day in transfiguration class.

_you are now all on the same page_

Hermione: I wonder if that love bite is Snape or Lupin?

Harry: I wonder if that love bite is Lupin or Sirius?

Neville: I wonder if I should tell Professor McGonagall that she has

dirt on her neck?

**(3) DANIIMAC**

Dumbledore: Minerva, it has come to my attention that you have in

your office a poodle, in...a...tutu.

McGonagall: well yes headmaster, you see...the other night I had had

a liiiitle too much of Winky's special brew and...

Dumbledore: Minerva, what you do in your own time does not concern

me. I just want to know...

McGonagall: Oh dear

Dumbledore:...DID ANY HARM COME TO THE TU-TU?

McGonagall: (For the love of God) Headmaster!

**(4) JUSTADAD:**

Dumbledore: Now, don't be upset Minerva, I am only asking for the

sake of Fawkes...he brought home a circus monkey one night and the

poor thing is upset because of the lost tutu.

McGonagall: WIZARDS!...TU-TU's...is THAT all you can think

of?...what about me? what about the possibility that I may be a

werewolf?

Dumbledore: OH, be calm Minerva, even if Lupin nipped you in a

moment of play last night, it was while you were a dog...not a

human...it has no effect other than to let the students know that

you are somewhat less than cautious. I beg of you, please let Snape

out of his cage so that I may have the tutu returned.

McGonagall: Severus, you may come out now, please explain why you

lured me into the moonlight last night while I was practicing being

a dog.

Snape: Minerva, I do not know what you are talking about, I was

simply exercising last night when you put me in this cage. I think

that you should apologize for telling these tales and then inform

the stu...dents...

Snape suddenly stops as Professor McGonagall waves the tutu at him

and says "would you like me to inform the students about the thong

as well?"

**(5) CANDYSTAR:**

Snape: THAT thong is mine!

McGonagall: oh really?

Harry: well look on the bright side! At least McGonagall gets to see your pompous a-

Snape (as Picard): Mr. Potter?

Harry (as Data): Sir?

Snape: Shut up!

Harry: Yes Sir...

Snape: 7 whole years I've been wanting to say that to him!

_(OT: OK that's it! no more star trek for me! yeah like right!lolol)_

**(6) DOCKINA:**

Snape: Potter, you are to tell no one about this incident. Not about

Professor McGonagall, not about the tutu, not about the love bite...

none of it, do you understand me?

Harry: Uhm, Sir?

Snape: What Potter?

Harry (Looking disgusted): If you don't want people to know anything

happened... perhaps you better put some pants or a robe on. Your..

uhm... thong is showing.

**(7) CANDYSTAR:**

Snape: oh? Well what are you looking down there for?'! How rude! Anyway Minerva, at least I'm not cheating like you going with Remus!

**(8)MISS BELLATRIX: **

McGonagall- (Going Red) What? I did no such thing!

Snape- Explain the bite on your neck then!

McGonagall- I...caught it on a tree...

Snape- A tree! Pssh!

McGonagall- At least I'm not having an affair with Sybill Trelawny!

Snape-...Buh!

**(9) JUSTADAD:**

McGonagall: ...CLASS your attention please, today we will be

learning how to turn field mice into brass horns...

Hermione: I think that I will knit Professor McGonagall a nice hat

to make her feel better...

Ron: I think that I'll have Mum send a nice cake or something to

Professor McGonagall...

Lupin (still in cage): I think I will have Victoria's Secret send

Minerva something...

**(10) CANDYSTAR:**

so that night...(this looks like something off the Archie comic books pages! lol)

McGonagall (walks into her office & sees a package on her desk & reads note): from your beloved werwolf. opens package oh how sweet! pulls out red satin lingerie slip

later

Lupin: you look beautiful in that Minerva!

McGonagall: oh Remus! You can bite me anytime!

Lupin: but you're human right now...

McGonagall: that's alright! I'll just go a little crazy on full moons!

Lupin: attack Snape together?

McGonagall: done deal!

**(11) JUSTADAD: **

Snape walking down a Hogwarts' hall: I feel pretty...oh so

pretty...dum de dum de dum...

Ron: Oh no, he must be wearing that damn tutu again…

Harry: We need to get up to the common room, now

Hermione: Why?

Harry: Dumbledore put a hex on it the last time he got it back...it

will fly back to Fawkes any minute now...

Ron: And we should leave?

Harry: Yes, it will also take any other clothes the person is

wearing as well...that's a site I am not prepared to see right now.

The trio runs down the hallway, they are passed by the flying tutu

carrying a Slytherin cloak and some grey underwear...

**(12) KATIESUE1506:**

Snape to class: As you all know, tonight is to be a full moon, so I

want you all to write a one parchment full essay explaining what

happens on the full moon.

Later that night as Snape is walking back to his Chamber to dance

around in his tu-tu with the thong.

Snape: It's a bit quiet, maybe too quiet.

Snape turns around

Snape: Oh, Hi Professor McGonagall, it a lovely evening tonight,

isn't i-- what's wrong with you?

McGonagall: Why I don't know what you mean Sevvie

Snape: You look have a weird look on your face--wait, why is HE

here?

Lupin enters

Lupin: Oh Hi Severus, McGonagall and I were just on some official

business

McGonagall w/ evil look in her eyes: Yeah, some unfinished business

a struggle breaks out and then...?

**(13) CANDYSTAR:**

McGonagall: ok that's IT! Both of you need a vacation from this place & each other! Severus here's a plane ticket to Florida! Remus this one's for Hawaii! Now GO!

Snape/Lupin: but what about muggle-

McGonagall: I don't care!

Snape/Lupin: -terrorist attacks?

McGonagall: NOT my problem!

Snape: I'm scared of heights.

McGonagall: then take a cruiser ship!

Lupin: I can't swim.

McGonagall: then stay on the plane!

Snape/Lupin: but-

McGonagall: look I'm not going to argue this further! First you go then you come back & we can start over. leaves but stops in door oh & the tickets are for different planes to different places so you wont fight. You've got a whole country between you. Now just go!

**(14) JUSTADAD:**

Herbology Class...

Hermione: wow...I sure am glad that Professor McGonagall put her foot

down and had Lupin and Snape go on vacation. Since they came back

it's been real calm around here and nobody's wearing that tutu...

Ron's voice is heard coming across the courtyard: I feel pretty, oh

so pretty...

Hermione: ...Oh no...

**(15) MISS BELLATRIX:**

Ron- This thing is such a damn good fit! -Twirls in the tu-tu-

Hermione- (Walks out of the Greenhouse) I believe I will be the

first to say...why?

Ron- It's so pretty 'Moine, you should try it! -Hands her one-

Hermione- Oh what could it hurt...

Moments Later...

Gryfindor Common Room...

Harry-Thank God the tutu invasion has left...ahhh no more pink or

ballet dancing for at least two weeks...no more thongs either... -

Sits back in his chair- Hmm...I wonder where 'Moine and Ron are...

-Portrait swings back, Ron and Hermione enter, doing extracts from

Swan Lake around the common room.-

Harry-...Awwh crap...

**(16) DANI IMAC:**

Fred: why so depressed Harry?

George: feeling left out?

Fred and George: you should try our new invention. It's theeeeeeeeee

thongalicious tu-tu! The second you put it on, you'll dance like

you love the nightlife, like you love to boogie!

Harry: For crying out loud! Not you too!

Fred and George: you should buy it now while it still is a hot-hot-

hot item! Trust us, the ladies love a man in a thong.

Harry: and you would know because...?

Fred: we-ell Minerva seemed to like it...

George:...and Poppy...

Fred:...and Grubbyplank...

George:...and shudders Umbridge.

Harry: whaaaa...?

Fred and George: aww come on Harry, didn't you ever wonder why we

never get kicked out of school?

**(17) CANDYSTAR:**

Harry: oh for the love of Volde-"Snape & Lupin go a-waltzing passed with McGonagall in her red satin slip"-mort! "runs to the window & screams into the night" DUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMBBLLLEEDOORERRRRRRRRRRRR!


	2. Chapter 2

**(18) DOCKINA: **

Dumbledore (hearing Harry's scream and seeing the predicament):

Well, now, this really should stop. If only Fawkes hadn't brought

back that little monkey and it's cute pink tutu. Everyone with

tutu's, take them off and put your robes back on.

Ron, Hermione, Lupin, Snape, and McGonagall stop and look at him for

a moment, then each other, and start dancing again.

Dumbledore: I'm sorry, Harry, I tried. They are just too entranced

by those darn tutu's.

Harry: Isn't there a spell you can use to get the tutu's off?

Dumbledore: Yes, but that would leave them naked.

Harry (look of horror on his face): Forget it, let them dance until

they get it out of their system.

**(19) DANI IMAC:**

A couple of days later...

Harry: why are they not stopping? We have gone through 48 renditions

of Swan Lake, 32 of the Nutcracker, 12 of Sleeping Beauty and one of

Giselle.

Dumbledore: humming the theme from the nutcracker umm, what Harry?

Harry: never mind.

Dumbledore: you know, Professor Snape can do a fantastic

split.Clapping loudly Bravo Severus!

Harry: OH MY GOD! I'M BLIND! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE! AS IF THE TU-

TU/THONG THINGY WASN´T ENOUGH!

Dumbledore: again humming the theme mmhh? Thongs? Oh yes, they are

incredibly comfortable. I myself prefer satin ones, although I have

it on very authority wink wink cough Flitwick cough that silk

ones are awfully gentle on, well, you know...

Harry: faints

**(20) JUSTAMOM:**

Harry: Damn the luck, Voldemort has figured out how to get

Dumbledore and most of the army out of the way...he put that 'self-

replicating Tutu Dance' jinx on the monkey that Fawlkes brought home

and now all the students are dancing in enchanted Tutu's

Ginny: What can you do Harry?

Harry: I spoke to one of the old headmasters in Dumbledore's office

and found the spell that Dumbledore was going to use...look

out...Expellious Wardrobus Totalus

As they watch, all clothing is removed from the plethora of teachers

and students dancing in the Great Hall, they slowly stop spinning

and become somewhat confused by their lack of clothing.

Ginny, looking at Harry: Darn

Harry: What's wrong?

Ginny (smiling): Oh nothing, I was just hoping that it would have

included us as well

**(21) DANI IMAC:**

Fred and George: are we naked? Everybody's naked! Cooool...

Hermione: what happened? Am I naked? OH MY GOOOOOD!

Ron: groan Eeek! I'm bloody naked! But check out Hermione...nice!

Hermione: Will you kindly get your tongue of the floor Ron?

Everybody: Dude, check out McGonagall

Everybody: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DO NOT check out Snape!

**(22) CANDYSTAR:**

Myrtle: why not check out Snape? You should see him in the shower. Terrible singer but awesome stripper-dancer!

"Harry & Ginny look at each other"

Harry: well you want to?

Ginny: oh Harry! I've wanted you since year one!

"now everyone is naked!"

**(23) JUSTADAD:**

... the next morning ...

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are walking to the Great Hall for

Breakfast...

Harry: "Well, uh, the good news is that those tutu's are gone..."

Ron: "Right, uh, that's the good news all right..."

Hermione: "All Right, we've all seen each other naked, there is

nothing wrong with that, it's a normal human thing.."

Ginny: "Oh it's normal all right...and fun too!"

They enter the Great Hall to find other students just milling about

and no food on the tables.

Harry: "What's going on?...is there something special today?"

Dumbledore (entering hall): "Harry, did you wonder what happened to

the tutu's?"

Harry: "No sir, I used your spell and didn't think that was

necessary"

Dumbledore: "On my, you have to understand Harry, that I was...not

myself, and hadn't really thought it through...(with that he touches

an amulet he pulls from his robes and the five of them find

themselves in the kitchen, all the house elves are now wearing

tutu's, spinning and dancing)"

Dumbledore: " One: we need to make breakfast for the school, two: we

will have to remove the tutu's, three: how many of you have ever

seen a naked house-elf?"

**(24) MISS ALWAYS RIGHT:**

Ron: (turns red and raises his hand)

Hermione: Ron!

**(25) CANDYSTAR:**

_(OT: AHHHHH JUSTADAD! A NAKED HOUSE ELF! HELP ME! LMAO)_

**(26) DANI IMAC:**

Ron: don't worry Hermione. After what happened yesterday thanks to

you I'm putting naked house elves behind me (and goblins, and lady

trolls, and Veelas...I really need to clean under my mattress...)

Harry: maybe after seeing Hermione Ron will FINALLY get some decent

porn...although those Veelas aren't all that bad...

**(27) MISS ALWAYS RIGHT:**

Harry...except for seeing Snape...shudders

**(28) JUSTADAD:**

Dumbledore walking down hallway: Minerva, I wish to apologize to you

for the recent occurrences. I have taken steps to see that Voldemort

will not be able to appear at Hogwarts again as well as precautions

to prevent future items like the enchanted tutu from being

introduced.

Minerva: Thank you Professor Dumbledore; but I must admit, in

retrospect, that it was quite thrilling, but dangerous. The Dark

Lord could have taken over the entire school.

Dumbledore: Thrilling...yes...Minerva, I wonder if I could ask you

a question?

Minerva: Please do.

Dumbledore: Well; now that I have sent the tutu's to the School Barn

behind Hagrid's Hut would you care to join me for a Barn Dance?

Minerva: Smiling...I would love it Albus

**(29) CANDYSTAR:**

Snape (singing): well take your partner by the hand. Swing her gently all over this land. Move her sideways & twirl around. Pet the Thestral & start again!

**(30) JUSTADAD:**

Harry: Wow, this potions class is boring now that the tutu's are

trapped in the Barn. I may even be able to get through this class

without getting abused by Snape.

Snape: "Potter, explain the uses of 'toads milk'".

Harry: Well, so much for that... "Professor, I have not had the

chance to review the reading material".

Snape: "Tell me Potter, what kind of grade do you expect?"

Harry: "A very good one sir."

Snape: "And how do you justify that opinion?"

Harry: "By these Muggle photographs of you in your green thong and

the fact that I know Rita Skeeter and the staff of The Quibbler"

Hermione (whisper): "Harry, that won't work, I already sold those to

PlayWitch and he's there next centerfold…"

**(31) CANDYSTAR:**

Harry: oh? Well then forget the muggle photos of you & your tu-tu. I'll use these naked wizard photos instead of you in the shower.

Snape: give them here Potter!

Harry: like hell I'll give them to you, I might need them again.

Snape: 10 points form Gryfindor for swearing at me!

**(32) DANI IMAC:**

Harry: fine! You can have these if you want...

Snape: done hyperventilating Smart move Potter

Harry: ...it's not like I didn't make copies!

Snape: you WHAT!

Harry: Oh yeah. I've been thinking of going into business with Fred

and George. They get your naked picture for free when they buy a

thongalicious tu-tu.

Snape: you wouldn't dar...FREE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN FREE!

Harry: well professor, you ARE slightly past your prime you know.

You no longer have those "chiseled buttocks" you mumble about every

now and then.

Snape: Outrageous! Blasphemy! SACRILEGE! I'll have you know,

Potter, that my buttocks are as tight and fit as they were 20-bloody-

years AGO!

Hermione faints again

Snape: I'll prove it right now!

All of a sudden all the female teachers come barging in

McGonagall: now, now Severus, are you sure you want to do

that...here? wink wink If you come with us, we'll make it worth

your while

Snape: huh?

Madam Pomfrey: we got booze...

Snape: well...

Sprout: we got fog...

Snape: I don't know

McGonagall: we've got...poles.

Snape: let's go.

**(33) JUSTADAD:**

At the 3 Broomsticks...

Fred: "George, how long do we plan on being here?"

George: "Only as long as it takes for all those photos of Snape to

be handed out to the Hogwarts students."

Fred: "are you sure this is going to work?"

George: "I don't know, we can only try...if we succeed we will be

famous."

Fred: "Your right...when the pictures turn into tutu's for everyone

we will be known as the PARTY Twins"

Dumbledore looking across his office: "Fred and George Weasley, I

asked you to come back to Hogwarts today to inform you that I

am ...disappointed in your efforts." "It seems that your effort to

re-introduce tutu's to the Hogwarts grounds was a failure, as the

photographs of Professor Snape transfigured into the tutu, my anti-

tutu charm transported them elsewhere." "Do you have anything to

say?"

Fred: "Yes Sir", "Are there any pictures of Snape that survived, we

still have orders to fill."

George: "Right, especially the ones in the polka-dot thong, The

Teachers here are really into that one."

**(34) CANDYSTAR:**

Dumbledore: no! All porn pictures of Severus have been destroyed.

so that night...

"Fred & George are walking sadly down the hall"

Myrtle: pssst...In here! "leads them to the entrance of chamber of secrets" shhyyeth shhshee! tehehe I learned THAT line from Harry! Go down there, he's waiting for you!. Oh & this is top secret so don't tell anyone! "Fred & George slide down"

Harry: we found a way to get new photos of Snape.

Collin: Myrtle is watching out for him & whenever he'll get in the shower...SNAP!...we can get our pictures!

Fred/George: yeah! Ok time for Operation: Snape Snaps!


	3. Chapter 3

**(35) DOCKINA:**

The next day, examining the pictures...

George: Wow, we got TONS of new pictures of him.

Fred: How about this one, can we give this one away?

George: No, the pole hides everything in that one.

Fred (somewhat disgusted): How about this one? There's nothing hid

here, it's all hanging out. George (also disgusted): Oh, yeah. The

girls will love that one.

Harry and Colin enter.

Harry: Hey guys, check this out. We have more pictures of when he

went back to McGonagall's chambers with her.

Colin: Yeah, anyone who has a bad grade in Transfiguration is gonna

want some of these!

Harry (Showing the twins pictures of Snape on top of McGonagall

under the covers, both naked, in various positions): Uhm, it seems

that Snape and McGonagall went all the way last night.

**(36) JUSTADAD:**

Snape (entering his quarters at Hogwarts...very slowly): "ohhh sweet

Merlin, please let me get some SLEEP tonight"

Susan:(entering his quarters very quickly): "Snape...how could

you?...she's...she's...she's a teacher!", throwing down photos of

Snape and McGonagall.

Snape: "My dear Miss Bones has it occurred to you that I am ALSO a

teacher and that what I do with my time is my business?"

Pansy (entering room): "That may be but when you were with us you

told Susan and I that there was nobody else..."

Snape: "Ladies, we were under the influence of the Voldemort tutu

curse, I cannot be held accountable for what happened or what was

said, now please, I must get some sleep, kindly go on to your

quarters and we'll forget this whole thing happened".

_OT: Note: file this under the "you knew it had to happen in this thread"_

_file..._

Walking down hallway towards common room, Susan and Pansy look at

each other and both say "but what about the child?".

**(37) CANDYSTAR:**

three weeks later

McGonagall: um...Severus? I have to tell you something...

Snape: what? You're not regretting what we did three weeks ago are you?

McGonagall: on no not that! It was great! You were good!

Snape: so were you...

McGonagall: it's just that...well...i'm pregnant! Happy fathers day.

Snape: I'm a father! WHOO HOO!

McGonagall: you don't mind?

Snape: mind? MIND?'!'?'! Not at all. This is wonderful!

McGonagall: oh Severus! that's great!

**(38) DANI IMAC:**

Snape: I'm a father! WHOO HOO!

Everybody (and I mean EVERYBODY): IT REPRODUCES?'?'!'!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The next day, the front page of the Daily Prophet:

"After hell froze over yesterday...and pigs began to fly..."

**(39) JUSTADAD:**

The New Year at Hogwarts was starting on a bright and cheerful day,

not a rain cloud in sight and the students, who had arrived the

previous evening, were gathering on the campus taking advantage of

the late summer sunlight and warmth.

Ron, Hermione, and Harry were together on the hillside overlooking

the lake when McGonagall approached...

McGonagall: "Potter, have you, Grainger, or Weasley seen Professor

Snape by any chance?"

Potter: "No Professor, we haven't seen him since Potions, is there

anything wrong?"

McGonagall: "I am just trying to find out where our son is, along

with his half-brothers...three boys are a hand full and I don't know

if he is up for it."

Hermione: "Excuse me...did you say three?"

McGonagall: "Oh yes, thanks to Tom Riddle, Severus now has to

support his children by me, Pansy, and Susan Bones, the least he

could have done was include condoms with those damn tutu's"

**(40) CANDYSTAR:**

"Neville suddenly comes running up the hill _(poor kid! I'm making him run a lot in this episode!)"_

Neville: come quick! Snape & Lupin are fighting it out to death in the duel chamber/ Winner gets the girl! That's YOU professor McGonagall.

McGonagall: WHAT?'!'?'! Oh no not the two most sweetest men in Hogwarts! We gotta stop them!

"Neville/Harry/Ron/Hermione/McGonagall all run to the duel chamber, passing by Fred/George/Collin & Myrtle"

Fred: what going on?

Neville (panting hard): its...Snape...Lupin...fight over McGon...to death...in duel chamber! Must stop them!

Collin: what! "looks at Fred/George & Myrtle" lets go!

**(41) DOCKINA:**

Everyone reaches the dueling chamber and immediately grabs the

dueling Snape and Lupin.

McGonagall: Snape, remember the children! You can't get killed now!

They need you!

Snape: Who says that I'm going to get killed! I'm going to do the

killing!

McGonagall: No, you can't! I love Lupin too!

Lupin: See, Snivelus, she loves me too!

Snape: Shut up werewolf! I don't want you anywhere near my children!

McGonagall: Don't worry Sevie, I will keep our child safe. You can

take care of him when I spend time with Lupin.

Snape: You expect me to babysit while you have your little romps

with him!

McGonagall: Well, he is your child too! You should take some of the

responsibility.

They continue arguing in the background.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Collin, Myrtle, Neville (all

looking at each other): This is too weird!

Dumbledore enters the chamber and...

**(42) CANDYSTAR:**

Dumbledore: THAT IS ENOUGH! Remus? Minerva & Severus have a child together so leave the Snape family alone. Besides your TRUE love awaits you but Dora Tonks said she was shy & wanted me to inform you. So go to her!

Lupin (big silly grin): REALLY! Uh...Severus? Truce?

Snape (stiff as ever): yeah whatever!

"Snape/Lupin shake hand/paw & Lupin leaves to find Tonks"

Lupin: you really love me?

Tonks: oh yes!

Lupin: I have a bit of a problem, though. Its love-biting.

You'll get turned into a werwolfess!

Tonks: well its not like it'll kill me. I'll just go crazy on full moons.

Lupin: we could go crazy together?

Tonks: I like the sound of that.

Lupin: me too! Your room or mine?

Tonks: mines closer! Lets go!

Lupin: whhoo hoo! Yeah baby!

**(43) JUSTADAD:**

_OT: Oh I'm sorry for this...but I can't pass it up..._

Ron is helping with the photo development; he spies a picture of he

and Hermione after the tutu removal and thinks: My Wand...Look at My

Wand...

**(44) DANI IMAC:**

_(OT: I meant to put this in the original, but I feared what people_

_might think…seeing as we got deleted, I'm not passing this_

_opportunity again)_

Ron: I could totally be featured in Playwitch weekly! I look good!

_OT: Candystar, Lupin and Tonks? lol_

Lupin: so, here we are

Tonks: oh yeah

Lupin: say...aren't you a shape shifter?

Tonks: er, yes, why?

Lupin: well, why don't we spice things up a bit?

Tonks: oohh, I see what you mean...What will it be? A nurse, or ...

Lupin: I'll describe her

Tonks: ookeey

Lupin: tallish, black hair, preferably in a bun, square glasses,

stern look...

Tonks is changing as Lupin speaks

Lupin:...tight lips, tight bum...

Tonks: LUPIN! DID YOU THINK I WASN'T GOING TO NOTICE?

Lupin: meekly oopsies?

Tonks: oh what the hell, it's been a while

Lupin: that's the spirit!

**(45) JUSTADAD:**

Harry, Ron, and Hermione are walking down the hallway towards the

Fat Lady.

Suddenly they are passed by a very happy Lupin who is singing while

walking down the hall.

Lupin: "Good Day, isn't it a lovely day?"

Harry: "Yes Professor, simply marvelous"...looks at Ron and

Hermione.

As Lupin proceeds on Hermione explains: "He saw Tonks again last

night".

Ron: "But it was a full moon...she wasn't bitten was she?"

Hermione: "They found out it doesn't matter, she can turn herself

into a wolf anyway and while in that form the bites don't count...,

there is one thing though..."

Harry: "What's that?"

Hermione: "Tonks is worried; Lupin told her he wants to have a

bigger litter than Severus' three pups."

**(46) CANDYSTAR**

Tonks: is this just another way of fighting with Severus? Well ok FOUR pups but no more!

_OT: AHHHH DOCKINA! Snape & McGonagall under covers?'!'?'! HELP ME! That was hysterical!_

**(47) JUSTADAD:**

_OT: Time to move it back down a notch_

Dumbledore: "Harry, in reflection I seem to have forgotten

something"

Harry: "what's that Professor?"

Dumbledore: "I don't seem to know what happened to Voldemort after

we removed the Tutu's from the students."

Harry(slight smile):"OH...that was Hermione's idea...we used a

Lockhart memory charm on everybody to remove any...embarrassment"

Dumbledore: "Harry, is there anything else you wish to tell me?

Harry: "well...it's like this…Voldemort got away, but we figure

nobody was going to be scared of a naked 80 year old Wizard

anyway...we used the time turner and went back so that Snape and

Lupin did not get out of control with Professor McGonagall and Tonks

(Dumbledore looks at him curiously)...oh, that's right you don't

know...Snape had children with a number of folks after the tutu

incident...and we just prevented that from happening...Lupin and

Tonks did not get together...We saved the honor of Susan and Pansy

so that the lawsuit filed by their parents against Snape and the

School never happened...in short, we fixed just about everything."

Dumbledore: "About? Everything..."

Harry: "Well; there is this monkey with a tutu, and Hermione keeps

smiling at Ron."

**(48) CANDYSTAR:**

Harry (looking at some pictures): I cant ever shows these to anyone...Oh well! My own. My preccccciiooooss!

**(49) JUSTADAD:**

At the same time Hermione is in her bed and looking at some Photos

of her own...Oh Ron, it's a shame we had to erase your memory too

but I have these moments preserved in film to remember...my Ron...my

wand...LOOK at my wand

**(50) DANI IMAC:**

Ron: hey Harry, have you noticed that Hermione is being nicer to me?

Harry: er- yeah?

Ron: maybe she does like me after all!

Harry: you never know

Ron: I told you, no girl can stand the Ron Weasley charm

Harry: oh yeah, it was your "charm" all right! Apparently, you

have "a lot" of it

Ron: well, it runs in the family

Harry: oooh that explains why Perce could get himself a girlfriend!

Aaah, it's all so clear now...talk about a lucky Penny...

**(51) JUSTAMOM:**

Weasley is our king...Weasley is our king...

Ginny: Shut Up Hermione, I'm trying to study


	4. Chapter 4

**(52) DANI IMAC:**

Voices heard from the inside the boys room:

Harry: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD RON, THAT'S JUST GROSS!

Ron: What! It's for practice!

Harry storms out of the room

Harry: mumbling Hermione's face...pillow...

**(53) DOCKINA:**

Harry: Ya know Ron, why don't you just go and ask Hermione out? I

mean, if you think that she likes you... you could just ask her to

go for a walk alone with you.

Ron: Ya know, Harry, that's not a bad idea. Pauses a moment. Yeah,

I'm going for it. He walks over to Hermione where Harry seems him

talking to her for a bit before leaving together out the portrait

hole.

Harry: Finally, I can get some homework done without him drooling

over her!

Almost an hour later, Harry notices that Ron and Hermione aren't

back from their walk and gets worried. He goes outside and is

walking around the forest when Ron and Hermione come out from behind

some large bushes, out of breath and extremely disheveled.

Harry: Where have you two been? You have been gone nearly an hour!

Ron (looking at Hermione): Almost an hour? Well, not bad for a poor

wizard boy huh Hermione?

Hermione (smiling and putting her arms around Ron) in a breathless,

mischievous voice: Not bad at all!

Harry: Uh oh! What have I done?

**(54) CANDYSTAR:**

Harry (thinking): ""might as well"" "looks around for Ginny"

**(55) DANI IMAC:**

Ginny: well Harry, now that Ron and Hermione are seeing each other

maybe we should...

Harry: preach them about the dangers of pre-marital you-know-what?

Ginny: He can say Voldemort, but he can't say that! Oh, I´ll make

you preach all right

Later...

PRAISE THE LORD! KEEP PREACHING BABEEY! AMEN TO THAT!

**(56) JUSTADAD:**

Ginny and Harry are walking back to School holding hands.

Harry: "You realize that this is going to change some things,

between us, now that we are ... lovers?"

Ginny: "I think so, but as far as Dumbledore's Army and the Order is

concerned I want to continue as before, what we have for each other

should not interfere with the work."

Harry: "I can't say that I will be totally objective, I mean I

really can't be sending you in harm's way without guilt can I?"

Ginny smiles and kisses Harry Gently: "That's nice but things will

change, after all you are going to have a big change in tomorrows

quiddich match."

Harry: "What do you mean?"

Ginny: "Once you are no longer a virgin the anti-splinter charm

stops working, the manufacturer figures that once you are old enough

for sex you can figure out how to get a broom splinter out of your

ass."

**(57) JUSTAMOM:**

Harry: Oh, I know a spell that will take care of that.

Ginny: You do? Harry, you're so wizardly. What is it?

Harry: It's right here, under my robes.

Harry begins to lift his robes away. Ginny hides her face and

giggles.

Harry: It's okay, Gin, you can look.

Ginny peaks from between her fingers to see that Harry is wearing

plaid shorts.

Ginny: What are those?

Harry: I've cast a spell on my knickers--they're impenetrable.

Ginny: Oh, Harry, I hope that works just from the outside in!

Harry grins wickedly. Why do you think I took them off?

**(58) JUSTADAD:**

Night at Hogwarts...

Snape is moving through the darkness searching...

Snape: ...where are they...I thought they were around here...

Hagrid: "WHAT...WHO's Dere?"

Snape: "It's SNAPE you fool...what are you doing out here?"

Hagrid: "Oh Professor, Sorry, I'm guarding some clothes for

Professor Dumbledore...seems that Fawkes' monkey needs 'em when he

goes back to the circus don't you know..."

Snape: "Hagrid, I wonder if you could let me see the clothes for

awhile, I could guard them at the castle."

Snape: "Well normally I would professor but, well, you see, I am out

here trying to find em...seems that Buckbeak took a liking to them

and he and his friends are out here dancin'...OH, I could let you

have a pair of shorts I found in that bush a while ago...funny

that...Harry and Ginny were around but said they didn't know a thing

about em..."

_OT: NOTE: Justamom, you missed an obvious punch line..._

"Harry: I've cast a spell on my knickers--they're impenetrable."

"Ginny: You better hope you never hear that about mine"

**(59) DOCKINA:**

Snape: I will help you find Buckbeak and the clothes. The clothes

are what is important.

Hagrid looks at him suspiciously.

Snape (looking shifty): I mean, for Fawke's monkey's sake.

Hagrid and Snape enter the Dark Forest in the direction of the party

music coming from deep within.

When they get there, they not only see Buckbeak and co. dancing, but

Fred, George, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Colin, and Myrtle. Snape ends

the spell that is creating the music. Everyone stops and stares at

him.

Snape: I must insist that this dancing stop at once! You are tearing

the tu-tu's on the branches!

Everyone ignores him, and then Harry and Hermione restart the music

spell and everyone starts dancing.

Hagrid: Well, what do we do now?

Snape doesn't answer, but turns into a poodle, grabs an extra pink,

fluffy tu-tu and joins the party. Shortly after, a werewolf and a

large black shaggy dog also join the dancing and festivities.

Hagrid: Well, if ya can't beat 'em, join 'em!

**(60) CANDYSTAR:**

_(OT: I don't know why, DOCKINA, but for some reason you post made think of this next scene with Hagrid...)_

Hagrid: yup, that's what I'll do. Join them! "runs to hut & shaves beard & head & puts on khaki shorts & flowery Hawaiian top/sticks a drink umbrella in a tall glass of iced butterbeer & heads into the forest to the party where he pulls out a long lounging chair & stretches out!"

**(61) DOCKINA:**

Dumbledore hears the music coming through his slightly opened

window. He jumps up out of bed and runs to the window.

Dumbledore (muttering): Oh no! Not again!

He runs out into the forest towards the music. When he arrives at

the party, he does the same spell Snape did to stop the music.

Dumbledore: What is going on here! I must insist that this stop at

once! Hagrid! What are you doing? I am very disappointed in you! You

were supposed to be protecting these clothes for Fawkes's monkey!

Once again, everyone looks at him, then starts the music again and

ignores him.

Dumbledore: No, don't... sigh Ya know, this music is kinda catchy!

Dumbledore then conjures himself a lounge chair and drink complete

with umbrella. He conjures a sun lamp, sunglasses, and a bottle of

suntan lotion. He rubs some of the suntan lotion on his long,

crooked nose to keep it safe.

Dumbledore (singing under his breath): When the sun goes down...

we'll be groovin', when the sun goes down... feelin' alright...

**(62) JUSTADAD:**

Hagrid and Dumbledore are seated in beach chairs, sipping tropical

drinks, while a number of students, and creatures from the forest

dance, some in tutu's, to magical music provided by a MP3 (Magical

Projection Type 3) Service.

Included in the group are a Large Black Dog, a poodle in a tutu, and

a groomed collie resembling Lassie, near them, also dancing, is

Lupin who is keeping a watchful eye on the collie and seems

resentful for once that it is NOT a full moon...

Lupin: "Professor Dumbledore, you must remove the spell, I am afraid

for what may happen to Professor McGonagall and the others"

Dumbledore: "I am sorry Lupin, but you misunderstand, THESE tutu's

are NOT enchanted, they are simply an excuse, an excuse to dance and

have fun, I destroyed Voldemort's Tutu's long ago."

Lupin: "Then why do you let this continue?"

Dumbledore: "Because it must, we cannot stop time, look at Snape, he

has never seen happiness, could you deny it from him now, Look at

Sirius, he also has been without joy for some time. Professor

McGonagall understands, don't you Minerva?"

With that, the collie transfigures into Professor McGonagall.

McGonagall: "Ah yes, Professor, the creatures of the Dark Forest have

also been unhappy for some time and needed some joy in their lives..

(look at the centaurs dancin' with the Werewolves...isn't that

nice?)..and besides all of that there is the most important

thing..." McGonagall looks over at the trio and Ginny, "Now that they

have found each other, and Merlin knows that they needed some love

in their lives, somebody needs to be around to keep an eye on

it...after all we can't have 13 year old naked witches running

around can we, this isn't Salem, or that Madhouse on the muggle

scifi telly".

Suddenly Hagrid gets up and starts for the forest removing his

clothes on the way, "I'll be back Professor, Madam Maxime just

arrived".

Dumbledore: "You know Minerva, I am not really concerned about the

students, I wonder if we can cope with two half-giants who are in

lust?"

McGonagall shakes her head and returns to her collie form,

Dumbledore sits down and sips his drink, Lupin dances with a

Mermaid, Harry and Ginny step into Hagrid's Hut, Ron falls down and

Hermione just smiles, all is right with the world.

**(63) DANI IMAC:**

_OT: LOL justadad_

In the forest:

Oh Hagrid...

Oh Olympe...

I love you

I love you

Hagrid, I love your beard

background music comes to a screeching stop

What beard? I shaved it off!

Huh?

And when did you get a moustache?

I didn't!

garhwoidoijgoagjp

OH MY GOD! GRAWP!

Olympe: well, I had heard that giants were kinky, but this is

ridiculous. Although...double the giant, double the fun!

Meanwhile…

Lupin looks around...

Lupin: Headmaster, where are all the children?

Dumbledore: skinny dipping

Lupin: what?'! And Snape and McGonagall?

Dumbledore: they said something about "howling at the moon"

Lupin: but, there is no moon tonight! mmhhh...

Lupin: wait, did you say skinny dipping?

Dumbledore: yes

Lupin: OH NO!...there goes our wet t-shirt contest...Now, where are

my omniculars again?

**(64) CANDYSTAR:**

Harry (just coming out of the lake & heads to bushes where his robes are lying on the ground): huh? AHHH Lupin! Hermione, get the girls under cover! Lupin is watching you with omniculars!

"all girls scream & dive outta sight"

_(forgive my trekkiness on this next one)_

Lupin: for heaven sake Harry; I'm a werwolf not a pervert! I'm just looking. No harm there! Besides, YOU are with them? hmm?

Harry: Duh...i'm more their age! You on the other hand are a professor & should know better!

**(65) JUSTADAD:**

Harry "I'm worried about Lupin..."

Ron "I'm not worried; I'm just mad...what's going on with him?"

Harry "I think it's McGonagall, I think he needs a girl of his own

and not one to share with Sirius"

Ron "Well, it seems to me that before you wiped out the memory he

was suppose to be getting along with Tonks, why don't you give that

a nudge? Meanwhile I am going to go find a tattoo spell and put

PURVERT on his forehead"

**(66) CANDYSTAR:**

Hermione: DONT YOU DARE DO THAT TO LUPIN RONALD WEASLEY!

Ron: AHHH! HERMIONE DONT SCARE ME LIKE THAT! & WHY NOT?'!'?'!

Hermione: you'll ruin his appearance.

Harry (handing Hermione a towel): how typical! Falling in love with all male professors!

Hermione: thanks for the towel. No! I HATE Snape!

Harry: we all do! Even if he is part Veela. We need to get Lupin & Tonks together. Any ideas?

Ron: oh plenty! Time for Operation: Sweetheart Lupin & Tonks!

later that evening...

Tonks (sees 11 red roses & 1 white one on her desk & reads note): "from your beloved werewolf. I know! I should have told you before."

at the same time...

Lupin (sees a bottle of fire whiskey on his desk & reads note): "from your beloved Metamorph. I know! I should have told you before."

Lupin/Tonks runs out into the hall & meet each other...

Lupin/Tonks: you really love me? Oh yes!

"Harry/Ron/Hermione who were under invisibility cloak to watch decide to leave"

Ron: well that worked fine!

all hear Lupin & Tonks suddenly: yeah baby! oh that's good!

Harry (nervous smile): ermm--yeah just fine!

**(67) DOCKINA:**

Harry: So, now that everyone is hooked up, what do we do now?

Hermione: Plan weddings! Oooohhhh, I know a really good

photographer. I could talk to my mom and dad about the decorator

that they used for their wedding. It was absolutely beautiful!...

Harry and Ron look at each other, roll their eyes, and walk down the

hall, leaving Hermione to chatter on behind them. Soon, they reach

the dungeon door only to find everyone still standing outside the

door talking loudly.

Hermione: Oh, and can't you just see Snape, wearing a bit of white

with his robes for once... she trails off.

Harry (loudly): What's going on here? Why isn't anyone going into

class? Is Snape sick, Or late, or something?

Draco: I don't know, Potter, the door is still locked, and Professor

Snape hasn't come yet.

In the sudden silence that came after Draco's statement, they hear

Snape: Oh, yes, Minerva! Just like that!

McGonagall: Oooohhhh, Severus!

All the students look at each other in revulsion.

Harry: How much d'ya wanna bet that class is canceled?

All the students immediately shake their heads in agreement and tear

back up the hallway.

Ron: This sort of stuff has got to stop. We are missing classes,

getting involved in the teachers' personal lives. There is a lot

of... you know... going on around here. It's turning into the

Playboy mansion!

**(68) CANDYSTAR:**

_(OT: playboy mansion! ROTFLMAO)_

Ron: well at least Snape won't get on our backs anymo...oh wait! McGonagall is Gryfindor! Nevermind...

Harry: yeah he's getting on Gryfindor alright!

Hermione: but back or front? OMG DID I JUST SAY THA OUT LOUD?'!'?'!

Draco (cringing): I'm afraid you did mudblood. Maybe you're not so bad after all!


	5. Chapter 5

OK, last chapter for **_Tu-Tu Part 1_**. I'm currently picking through all the old saved posts for **_Tu-Tu 2_**, editingfor grammaticalerrors...which were many considering we were LMAO-ing while writing half the time. There was also some back posting done so I'm sorting out the extra posts & putting them in order. But never fear, for those of you who've read this far **_Tu-Tu 2_** will appear some day...

* * *

**(69) DOCKINA: **_(OT: Sorry DOCK…but #69 chose you! MWAHAHA…gods we're pervs! LOLOL)_

Later that night...

Ron: So Hermione, if we are considering back or front... which do

you prefer?

Hermione (blushing): Well, I would like to try both. Since we have

already done front...

Ron: Sounds good to me. Let's go out to the Shrieking Shack, then.

Harry: Thank goodness they aren't doing it in the common room again!

Poor Dobby got the shock of his life!

**(70) JUSTAMOM:**

In the Hogwarts kitchen, a group of house elves are gathered around

Dobby.

Floriad: They was doin' whut? Naked? On the floor?

Dobby: On the carpet they was. Dobby thought them was wrestling, but

they was naked, they was.

Floriad: Did they hurts each other?

Dobby: Dobby doesn't thinks they hurt. They no cryin'. They smiling

and kissing and stuff. Uggh!

Floriad: Can you shows us whut?

Dobby: Dobby can. Dobby can do. Get on floor Floriad. On rug.

Floriad: Likes this?

A few hours later, McGonagall strode into the kitchen to inquire

about the delay in having the classrooms ready for classes that day.

McGonagall: Oh, my. This won't do. No, this just won't do. Oh,

Albus!

**(71) DANI IMAC:**

McGonagall: Albus, this has to stop

Dumbledore: what?

McGonagall: This! It's like a sexual 7/11! emphasizing every word

with her hand "Open all day, literally"

Dumbledore: what happened?

McGonagall: 3 words: house-elf-sex, and let me tell you, it ain't

pretty.

Dumbledore: that's all? That is not so bad...

McGonagall: Pince just told me that the students have been badgering

her all day for the school's copy of the Kamasutra

Dumbledore: why doesn't she give it to them?

McGonagall: Ah, well, ahem, me and Sevie still have a couple of

chapters to go...

**(72) JUSTADAD:**

NOTICE to all Hogwart's students and teachers, due to a problem in

the kitchen all meals this evening will be carry-out from the 3

Broomsticks, be assured that Professor Dumbledore is on top of the

situation and working to have it resolved by the morning meal.

Signed: Professor McGonagall".

**(73) CANDYSTAR:**

McGonagall: ok Severus. I've put Ron & Hermione in your detention for being bad examples to the house elves.

Snape: good! They'll learn the hard way.

McGonagall: now...don't we have another chapter of the Kamasutra to read?

Snape: sure thing! Lets get started!

**(74) DANI IMAC:**

McGonagall: WOW, Severus, that was amazing! Who knew you were so

flexible?

Snape: well, I didn't twirl around in that tu-tu for nothing...

McGonagall: moving on to the next chapter...hey, did you notice who

was the last person with this book?

Snape: no, who is it?

McGonagall: mmhh, G. Weasley, and very feminine writing too...

In another part of the castle

Harry: Ginny! where did you learn those moves?

Ginny: natural talent I guess...but you know what they say

mischievous grin practice makes perfect!

Harry: I feel another training session coming up...

**(75) DOCKINA:**

Ron: Sorry, Hermione, all the copies are checked out.

Hermione: Well, that's okay. Gin... er... someone copied the first

chapter out of it for me.

Ron: Wooohoo! Let's get going then! Oh... wait, we gotta get out of

the common room. Lets go to the Shrieking Shack again.

Hermione: No, Ron! That place is all dusty!

Ron: I am bringing some clean blankets, plus, you know how to

conjure a bed!

Hermione: Well, okay. Blushing But what if someone comes by and

hears us?

Ron: Well, there used to be screaming and loud noises coming from

there all the time, so people will just think that the hauntings

have started up again.

Hermione: Okay. Ya know, now that you say that, I wonder if all that

screaming and stuff really did come from Lupin or if he brought the

occasional girl in?

Ron: Hermione, if you're going to talk like that, I can't go do this

with you.

Hermione: Sorry sweety, lets go.

**(76) DANI IMAC:**

Lupin: I wonder if they ever found out that it was me and the

occasional girl the ones making all those noises in the shrieking

shack...what was it that Sirius called it, ahh, yes, the Shrieking

Shag

**(77) CANDYSTAR:**

"Ron & Hermione are in the shrieking "shag" as Snape is walking by"

Snape: REMUS LUPIN! ARE YOU SHAGGING AGAIN?'!'?'! I swear you act like a teen..."opens door & sees Ron & Hermione"...ager!

"moment of silence as everyone stares at everyone else"

Snape/Hermione/Ron:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Lupin & Tonks are on the top floor & here the screams"

Lupin: what's that?

Tonks: sounds like Severus. Lets get out of here before he catches us too, & just walk back in as if we don't know what's going on!

"they get dressed & apparate to the outside"

**(78) JUSTADAD:**

Lupin and Tonks walk into the shack (as if nothing happened) to see

Snape sitting in a chair, looking at the floor, and looking

disturbed.

Lupin: "Severus, what is wrong?"

Snapes: "I have a problem with ethics. I have ...been made aware of

an infraction by two young Gryfindors for which I am clearly within

my rights to reduce their house of all it's points and expel them

both...but; I cannot bring myself to do it."

Lupin: "what's wrong...getting a conscious?"

Snape: "oh no, I just realized that if I bring them to Minerva on

these charges that I will never be able to see Minerva again...and

I know that somehow, someway, this is POTTER'S FAULT"

**(79) CANDYSTAR:**

"Lupin/Tonks look at each other"

Lupin: uh...it wasn't Harry's fault, it was ours. We were upstairs. You don't need to take off all 300 house points!

Snape (getting irate): YOU?'!'?'! Well since you were in Gryfindor too I'll take 50 points from you, Hermione, Harry & Ron...EACH!

Lupin: hey no fair! that's 200 points in all!

Snape; you don't have to tell me that! I'm not the one who almost failed math!

Lupin; not my fault I got stuck baying at the moon each month instead of studying! hey I caught up finally didn't I?

Snape: yeah two years behind everyone else including me!

"Snape & Lupin continue arguing as Tonks rolls her eyes"

**(80) DOCKINA:**

Tonks leaves and Lupin and Snape don't even notice, but continue

fighting

Lupin: At least I was good enough for Dumbledore to choose me as

Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! You've been trying for how

long now Sevie?

Snape: Why you...! How dare you! I have always been better than you

in that subject!

Lupin: So how come Dumbledore hasn't chosen you huh?

Snape (calming down somewhat): I don't know. Maybe because I am

sleeping with his dream girl huh?

Lupin: He wants Minerva?

Snape: You'd be surprised what Dumbledore wants.

**(81) JUSTADAD:**

Dumbledore: Exactly

All turn to see him enter the room followed by Tonks...

Dumbledore: You know Severus, this may come as a shock to you by the

way, but there are those among us who are ...enlightened... in the

ways of the world, who you are sleeping with is none of our concern.

Your absolute tunnel vision when it comes to Gryfindor, Potter, and

his friends, are what keeps you teaching potions.

Dumbledore: Now, I was asked to step in by Tonks to keep you two from

hurting each other, I have also had the unfortunate duty of calming

down two young students who were quite upset when they were

interrupted and are in a state of embarrassment. I have told them

there would be not be a punishment and have already put the points

back on the Gryfindor hourglass, so let's everyone go back to the

castle and forget the whole thing."

Walking back through the tunnel Lupin whispers to Tonks What's going

on? Why is he in such an understanding mood?

Tonks smiles and whispers back (being careful that Snape doesn't

hear): When Ron and Hermione woke him up they saw McGonagall leaving

his bedroom by a back stair...it seems that we were not the only

ones interrupted by Snape tonight. By the way...do you have a

requirement for which we could find a room?

**(82) CANDYSTAR:**

Lupin: yeah we could use the DA room as a wedding suite...DID I JUST SAY WEDDING?'!'?'!

Tonks: oh yes Remus! I do...will! Whatever...

Lupin: you want to marry me? Ok but let me get a ring first & propose properly. Now we can use the DA room any day but Thursday because that's when Harry needs it for those classes.

so on Wednesday night...

"Lupin & Tonks are in bed at the DA but the door opens as Harry & the ENTIRE DA entire"

(LONG moment of silence as everyone stares then...)

Harry/the DA class/Lupin & Tonks:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Lupin: Harry! This is Wednesday not Thursday!

"Tonks shrieks again & hides under the covers"

Harry: not this week! Its double potions tomorrow! Lets all get out of here before Snape hears us & comes running!

"turns to run but..."

Harry: oh hi professor Snape. Snape? SNAPE! AHHHHH!

**(83) DANI IMAC:**

Snape: I've had enough with this running into each other, it's orgy

time

_OT: (I can hear AAAAALL of you going WTF?'!) Just kidding!_

_The real stuff:_

Snape: Lupin, Tonks, I want to see you in my office. The rest of you

may go

They all walk out except Neville whose entranced by Tonks

Hermione: oh come on Neville!

Neville: na-ked...she is naked...she IS naked...OH MY GOD I SAW A

NAKED GIRL! WOOHOOOOOOOO!

Hermione: sigh

Harry: and if you keep it up, it will take another 15 years to see

the next...

Snape: Enough with this running into each other. We have to make

schedules

Lupin: what?

Snape: it's the only way. So, I have sex every day that ends with

an "y" you get the others

Lupin: ha ha, very funny. I've got another idea. I'll give you this

muggle thingy that they use for protecting themselves, and whenever

you feel it hot, it means Tonks and I are, you know, in the "boom

boom" room. And vice versa when you are with Minerva

Snape: fine

A couple of days later...

Snape: what is this? AHHH, MY CONDOM IS ON FIRE!

Everybody else: oh that is just gross! Like we wanted to know that!

Feel free to keep that to yourself.

McGonagall: Sevie dear, there are other ways to let me know when you

want to get it on, you know!

**(84) CANDYSTAR:**

_(OT: AAAAAHHHHH! I'll never be able to look at Snape in the right way again!)_

**(85) JUSTADAD:**

_OT: Thank you Dani for saving tutu 1. It was a good thread and now we_

_don't have to worry._

_Justadad_


End file.
